Sunday, June 16, 2013

I Think I Would Prefer Camembert: Colbie Caillat

Colbie Caillat is a like a lot of female musicians with acoustic guitars. She writes bland, inoffensive background noise that talks about puppy love and other saccharine garbage that's straight out of some idiotic teen romance film. Honestly, is there anything more that needs to be said about her? I find it hard to believe that she would be taken seriously if her father wasn't Ken Caillat, the guy who produced Fleetwood Mac's "Rumors" album. Something tells me that has a lot to do with where she is. That, and the fact that the average American radio listener is about as intelligent as a common garden snail and has an attention span worse than that of the average meth addict. I've said it before, and I'll say it again..... nepotism and hollywood inbreeding are one of the things destroying the entertainment industry. Ms. Caillat and her "music" are just another symptom of that. I am a capitalist, I believe in competition. I'm all for using your connections to try and get a leg up on the competition (within reason of course), but c'mon..... don't you need to bring in some new blood every now and again? We've reached a point now where it seems that every actor out there is related to or is the spawn of another famous actor, and that every musician is related to a producer, musician.... or... actor. And people in California think inbreeding is a problem where i'm from....... fah.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Talentless Plastic Bottom Feeder: Christina Fulton

Alright, who the fuck is this woman, and why should I care? It shows up in photos from Hollywood shindigs all the time, always carrying itself like it's some kind of hot shit, but what has it ever done of consequence to earn it's fame? It's acting skills are awful at best, that's why it hasn't done any work since 2000 and it's biggest claim to fame was a recurring stint on a late night cable soft porn series. Now it's turned its sights to becoming a pop star of some kind. Listen here lady..... 45 year old women who have no singing voice, the body of a... well... 45 year old woman, and a face that looks like it's had so many plastic surgeries performed on it that it now has the look of a counterfeit Louis Vuitton handbag purchased from a shady Haitian gentleman in a New York alley are in no danger of becoming pop stars. And the way this broad dresses, it looks like she's been raiding the closets of groupies and 15 year old Thai prostitutes. White trash with money, nothing more, nothing less. Based on the way she presents herself, it's no wonder that jackass kid of hers is so fucked up in the head. Also, am I the only one who gets a serious incest vibe coming off of those two? The way she hangs on him all the time and gazes..... for lack of a better term..... longingly at him, it makes my skin crawl. I understand that human beings often show affection to family members, but c'mon..... there's a limit. So, the question is... had it not been for the multimillion dollar divorce from the lowest hanging fruit in the Coppola clan, and her banging Shagrath, would anyone know who the hell this broad is? The answer is clearly a resounding no. In the realm of Hollywood bottom feeders that has included such luminaries as Kim Kardashian, Amanda Bynes, Latoya Jackson, and Paris Hilton.... I think Fulton is the worst. She's not even famous for being famous...... she's famous for divorcing the nephew of a guy who used to be famous and raising a no talent, woman beating, train wreck of a son. Bravo, Christina..... some legacy.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Progressive Music Part 2: Progressive Metal

Why should greasy hippies have all the fun with odd time signatures and "real" music? Sometimes metal guys like to get in on the action too. It can also have splendid results...... this is a listing of some of my favourites.

-Death - "Individual Thought Patterns"

-Watchtower - "Control and Resistance"

-Dream Theater - "Awake"

-Dark Tranquillity - "Damage Done"

-Emperor - "Prometheus: The Discipline of Fire and Demise"

-Cynic - "Focus"

-Atheist - "Unquestionable Presence"

-Symphony X - "Twilight in Olympus"

-Annihilator - "Alice in Hell"

-Spastic Ink - "Ink Compatible"

-Devin Townsend Band - "Synchestra"

-King Diamond - "Them"

-Areyon - "Into the Electric Castle"

-Nevermore - "Dead Heart in a Dead World"

-Freak Kitchen - "Move"

-Zero Hour - "The Towers of Avarice"

Edited to include a few that i overlooked when I initially posted it. I will also give an honourable mention to Pain of Salvations "The Perfect Element, Part I." Not really one of my favourites because they have a tendency to get a little pretentious and directionless.