Monday, September 30, 2013

The Original Line Up Is Always The Best.

When did this mentality take hold so strongly? The fact of the matter is that the original lineup is NOT always the best. Kids these days need to pull their heads out of their asses and come to grips with this. Sometimes changing a drummer, guitarist, or (heaven fucking forbid) a lead singer is just what a band needs to take their sound to the next level. The thing that brings this up is the current crop of kids and late 90s musicians who are bordering on has been status derping on and on incessantly about how the latest Sabbath reunion (I don't think they ever broke up, so how the fuck can they reunite) isn't really sabbath because some fat fuck who obviously hasn't practiced his drums in a long time isn't sitting behind the drum kit. I wonder how many of them realize that Sabbath released quite a few commercially successful albums with drummers who were not called Bill Ward. In fact, Sabbath put out two of the best albums of their career (Mob Rules and Dehumanizer) without Bill Ward and his sloppy, slap dash drumming. It makes me shudder to think of all the great albums the world would have missed out on by numerous bands if this original lineup fetishism had been around when some of the greats were first getting their act together. Bands like Rush, Death, Metallica, Anthrax, Genesis, Yes, King Crimson, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Morbid Angel, Cynic, Deep Purple, Thin Lizzy and various others would have never made many of their best albums... and in some cases some of them would never have recorded at all if the fans had had this idiotic, widespread original lineup fetish that persists today. Can you imagine Rush without Neil Peart and Geddy Lee? Anthrax without Charlie Benante? Deep Purple with no Ian Gillan or Roger Glover? And how about Metallica with Lloyd Grant and Ron McGovney? Honestly, kids these days need to pull their heads from betwixt their ass cheeks and come to grips with the fact, yes the FACT, the indisputable FACT that original lineups are not always the best.

Now, for you kids who don't believe me.... i'll leave you with a list of some great albums that would be missing right now if all bands ended with the dissolution of their original incarnations:

Judas Priest - British Steel, Screaming for Vengance, Killing Machine, Sin After Sin, Painkiller

Death - Individual Thought Patterns, Scream Bloody Gore, hell... the entire discography

Rush - Moving Pictures, A Farewell to Kings, Rush, Hemispheres, Permanent Waves

Dream Theater - Awake, Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence, Images and Words

Deep Purple - Machine Head, In Rock

Anthrax - Among the Living, Spreading the Disease, Persistence of Time

Spocks Beard - Day for Night, Snow, Beware of Darkness

I'm sure you could think of some more, anyone with a functioning brain could. Anyone not blinded by original lineup fetishism could. Hell, since i referenced the Sabbath reunion earlier in this posting... the latest musician bordering on has been status to piss and cry about the lack of the complete original lineup is Joey Jordison from Slipknot. I wonder how his equally idiotic fans would feel if they discovered that Slipknot are not on their original lineup either. After all, there's no Anders, Donnie, or Josh.... so, by the logic of people like Jordison and his idiotic followers... it's not Slipknot and they should break up (something that I would welcome... does the world really need another album by a group of nine poseurs playing rap rock and pretending it's some sort of death metal... i don't think so). Let's see.... i think Rob (Robb?) Flynn of Machine Head pissed and cried about it to. Really? Last I checked your lineup is mostly replacements at this point too fella. This is something that needs to stop. Frank Zappa used to say "the mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it's open." The fruitcake with the Kabuki mask who pretends to be a drummer and the guy that used to be in Vio-Lence, as well as their idiotic, white trash followers would do well to heed this phrase.

Friday, September 6, 2013

If Sam Dunn Is An Expert, Then I'm A....

Can we all just admit now that Sam Dunn knows as much about heavy metal music as Forrest Gump knows about performing brain surgery? I mean seriously... was I the only one that watched his little series and felt completely underwhelmed and unimpressed? It was not a documentary about the evolution of heavy metal and its various subgenres. No, it was 11 hours of some blithering moron rhetorically fellating his favourite bands. Nowhere in the series is this more glaringly obvious than in the episode devoted to progressive metal. Dunn spends what feels to be about 3/4 of the episode figuratively sucking off Georgia prog/sludge/post hardcore/awful hipsters Mastodon and the other other quarter stroking Mike Portnoy's fragile ego. Mere lip service is paid to bands like Fates Warning, Annihilator, and Watchtower. All of whom were pioneers of said genre, and all of whom predate Dream Theater by 1 to 4 years and Mastodon by about a decade and a half. I guess he didn't run across that in all of his peerless research. Then there is the omission of Death Metal and Black Metal in favour of Grunge and Nu Metal. Both of which are more accurately described as subgenres of alternative rock more so than Heavy Metal. The grunge episode in particular was an entire hour featuring aging, long haired Seattle hipsters denying any connection to the heavy metal scene. The one focused on Nu Metal spent most of its time focusing on experts who seemed even more clueless than Dunn offering only tenuous connections of the genre to heavy metal music. Now, just to remind everyone of his general cluelessness, thanks to the miracle of that modern innovation known as "crowd funding," Dunn is at it again. According to the internet's worst heavy metal news site, blabbermouth, Dunn is now set to debut a 12th episode of his definitive magnum opus, focusing on... "extreme metal." Now, i'll save you the obvious criticism which is that there is bound to be some redundancy here as there was already a piss poor episode about thrash metal and thrash is a form of "extrme metal." Instead, let's focus on the other glaring fact here which is: EXTREME METAL IS NOT A GENRE. No, instead it is an adjective phrase used to describe various genres including, but not limited to the aforementioned thrash metal, death metal, black metal, and their various spawn. To lump all of these genres, scenes, and movements into one category is to, yet again, show ignorance on Dunn's part. After all, Peace Sells But Who's Buying is an extreme metal album, but so is Day Into Night. Would you consider them part of the same genre? Unless you are one of those hippy dippy forum dwellers whose brain is completely coated in resin by this point (those "there's only like two types of music, man... good and bad" types), then the answer is probably no. Napalm Death, Immolation, Watain, and Dark Tranquillity are all "extreme metal bands," but they are all damn sure NOT the same genre of music. For an alleged "expert," this guy makes Eddie Trunk, Iann Robinson, Ian Christe, that LatiNation douche, and Joel McIver seem like undisputed authorities on the subject. Such idiocy. There is a job for people of your level of intellect Dunn, it's called the fast food industry. I'm sure they have a McDonald's or Burger King up there in Victoria. Perhaps you should go apply.