Thursday, June 30, 2016

B Movie Review: "I Come in Peace."


Starring: Dolph Lundgren as Det. Jack Caine, Brian Benben as Special Agent Smith, Matthias Hues as "Bad Alien"

Written by: David Koepp, Jonathan Tydor, Leonard Maas Jr.

Directed by: Craig R. Baxley


So, what do you get when you mix Dolph Lundgren, the guy from "Dream On," and a guy who's spent his career directing made for television cheese fests? You get "I Come in Peace" (a.k.a. "Dark Angel"). On the whole, the flick is mostly composed of a litany of 70s and 80s action movie cliches. Rebel hero cop? Check. Straight laced sidekick? Check. Villain that resembles a failed bodybuilder? Check. Paper thin plot? Check. White collar drug dealers with a fleet of high dollar exotic cars and suits? Yes. I could keep going on. It's a whole lot of been there, done that rolled into 92 minutes. "I Come in Peace" follows Jack Caine and Agent Smith as they try to track down an alien drug dealer. Yes, you read that right. The alien forcibly overdoses people with heroin and then uses a blade/tube apparatus to extract endorphins from their brain. These are a popular, rare, expensive, and highly illegal drug on his planet. He also kills people with a sort of magnetic circular saw thing. Of course, he always makes sure to say "I come in peace" before killing someone. Seriously? What the hell is this? When ISIL Aliens Attack? I've seen a lot of cheesy grade B action flicks that are still somewhat watchable for the unintentional humour factor, but this is just painful. It is the longest hour and a half you can spend outside of "Plan 9 From Outer Space," "Zardoz," or 90 minutes of AreWeFamousNow.


Wednesday, June 29, 2016

I'm Not Hugging You Because You're a Disingenuous Cunt.

What better way to get back into the swing of things than with a rant on something that annoys me on multiple levels. Idiotic and disingenuous Youtube activism. You know the type of garbage I'm talking about. Videos wherein some stereotypically pretty person performs spoken word poetry about imagined persecution like it's supposed to make them seem like a deep thinker. When in reality, their trite prose is no more deep than the intro portion of this rant that I've expended little to no energy in writing so far. That, or they make a sign that says "Hi, I'm a member of (insert grievance group here), will you give me a hug" and stand on the street with their arms open. This crap is not activism. It proves nothing beyond the fact that there are enough people dumber than the self proclaimed activist/film maker out there to spew in a pseudo-intellectual manner about how deep and thought provoking said pretend activism is. It in no way calls attention to societal ills in an effort to fix them, it simply plays on the emotions of gullible young women in an effort to generate ad money.

Acts like this come from a very dishonest position. Take the random hug crap, which I've seen from multiple sources. This is emotional manipulation, plain and simple. The skit is designed to make you look at the people who simply walk past with some sort of haughty derision. When in reality, they didn't skip out on hugging the person because he was gay, or muslim, or transgender, whatever. No, they skipped out on the hug because at the end of the day, this is just some random idiot standing on the street with his arms outstretched. Besides, the average upper-middle class hipster type that constitutes the Youtube activist set usually carries an odor of filth so pungent (believe me, I've been to plenty of concerts with upper middle class hipsters) that you would be perfectly justified in assuming that body to body contact with them would result in contracting some type of infection or parasite. Then there is the "10 hours walking through New York City as a (insert group here)" garbage. We get 1 to 3 minutes of video allegedly culled from 10 hours. This doesn't prove that people in New York are inherently meaner to Muslims, meaner to women, whatever. All it proves is that a disingenuous prick with a camera and a Macbook pro has the patience to sit through ten hours of video looking for utterances of catcalls or "islamophobic" insults. On the whole, Youtube activism essentially boils down to stupid stunts, ridiculous moral equivalencies, strawmen, and ludicrous no true Scotsman arguments. It's difficult to watch, and you can feel yourself becoming exponentially dumber for every second of video that ticks by. No, group A being violent in the past does not excuse the violence of group B in the present, no matter how many dumb millennial women's emotions you appeal to. Selectively editing Youtube videos before you respond or "debunk" them makes your argument look weaker. Reflexive cries of racist (especially when your group is not an ethnicity), sexist, homophobe, xenophobe, whatever are not an argument. And posting emotionally manipulative content on Youtube does not make you an activist. It actually makes you something more akin to a cult leader. Of course, the average Youtube activist doesn't even give a good goddamn about whatever cause he is claiming to represent. It's clickbait to generate ad money. A lot of the time it veers off into pussy begging as well, but that's a rant unto itself.

Anyway... stay tuned. Coming soon: A whole bunch of content recycled from a now defunct online Heavy Metal and nerd culture rag, a B movie review of "I Come in Peace," and "Male Harems: How to Tell if You're in One."

Migrating Back.

For the last good stretch of time, I haven't exactly been active on here. Unfortunately, my time at the Grim Tower is coming to an end. We will be shutting down the website at the end of August. So, that means I'll be back to posting my random fits of ranting on here again, for anyone who happens to stumble across it. Since this is my personal page, and not necessarily a music page, my writing here will be a little bit more diverse than it was at the tower. Heavy Metal will likely still be a consistent topic, comic books as well. However, you'll also see the occasional foray into political ranting (trigger warning: I'm a Libertarian), reviews of bad movies, as well as the occasional anti-religious tirade. I'll also be moving some of my old writings from The Grim Tower over to this blog as well. Probably over the course of the next week or two. It was a fun ride, but I guess people just don't care to give a chance to new sites that rely on text these days. Everything is Youtube videos with bad attempts at humour now. Anyway, what was once new is now old and what was once old is now new again. I'm back.

-Cheers,
     
       Central Scrutinizer